Monthly Archives: May 2013

In an Oyster Shell

It all started with a gigantic leap of faith off a 30-foot cliff.  Coaxed off the cliff by the “do it, do it” chants of strangers, she found herself plummeting through the air before plunging deep below the surface of the frigid Colorado River. Water flooded into her nostrils and mouth strangling her with, perhaps for the first time since taking flight, an overwhelming sense of stupidity. Panic-stricken and desperate for air, she opened her eyes, and for a brief instant registered the way the sun reflected through the water bubbles that were created by her splash. And as suddenly as it all happened, she realized she was drowning.

She was drowning for the second time in her life, and a childhood flashback jolted her out of her present reality and she became her three-year-old-self. She was drifting out to sea on a little plastic raft, when she heard the shouts of her mother calling her back to the beach. Just as she had done seconds prior, she leaped from safety and plummeted into the Long Island Sound. The sensation of drowning was just as she had remembered it, but unlike her 3-year-old self, her 42-year-old instincts told her to kick–hard. Fighting against the current, she kicked and slapped her way to the surface. As she buoyed through the barrier that separated life and death, her story was born.

She would, for years to come, describe that moment—to anyone who would listen—as the catalyst for her tale. “What Noise Annoys an Oyster?!” she would squawk in her theatrical and exaggerated Long Island accent. The moment her chosen victim would raise an eyebrow or shrug their shoulders at her riddle, she would take her cue and launch into her flamboyant recitation. Her voice would rise and fall, whisper and shout as she wove her story around her prey like an ecstatic spider with a lucky catch. Each audience member was a means to a wealthy end, or so she hoped. And thus, the more she recited it, the more likely she was to make it big.

The recitation of her poem, my brother’s and I came to learn, could rarely be predicted. It would come barreling out of the blue as she stood with the other parents at our school sporting events or at the local Irish diner where she is a well-known celebrity. At other times, however, the recitation was as calculated as a checkmate move. As her only opponents, we her children came to recognize and begrudgingly accept its inevitable occurrence.

There was the time she paraded us into the Picket Fence, a small dive bar on the lower east side of Manhattan. My brother’s and I shuffled our feet across the floor, which was covered with peanut shells, and crowded into a small wooden booth mentally preparing our adolescent minds for the performances to come. Before her was a woman dressed head to toe in white. She was indulgently wrapped in a white boa and her face was painted like a porcelain doll. “I’m a little baby doll, would you like to play with me?”, she starts. My brothers and I giggled, glad that for once  someone else had ‘out done’ mom’s theatrics. But then mom took the stage in a big sweeping gesture, and we lowered our heads like dogs tucking their tales between their legs. We sipped our cokes and waited to the performance to end.

On another such occasion, she packed us into our big black Volkswagen Euro Van and drove to the doorstep of Billy Joel’s Oyster Bay mansion. We huddled embarrassed in the car, hoping that she wouldn’t be kicked out by security as she brazenly knocked on the front door. She handed Billy’s valet a copy of her poem and politely asked that it be passed along to the piano man himself. A New Yorker, and fellow Long Islander, Mr. Joel was sure to see the genius in her salty magnum opus.

Her poem grew on us like a barnacle on the breakers of the slippery Oyster Bay rocks. Because, in many ways, the poem is a symbolic barnacle; one that cuts the bottoms of our feet as a sharp reminder to me and my brothers that even our most heartbreakingly embarrassing childhood moments, were the building blocks of our characters. And, that our mother, Peigi, is a salt water pearl waiting to be discovered in her oyster shell.


Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. With lots and lots of love,


Watch out!

Quelle heure est-il au paradis? Musings on time

Pass time. Spend time. Waste time. Kill time. Lunch time. Me time. On time. Find time. Good times. Tea time. Daylight savings time.

Our reality leads us to believe that everything is quantified in terms of time… even the quarter life crisis that prompted this post. But really, how (!?) does time bend and change? Why does it seem to speed up and slow down as you age, as you travel, whilst in love? How do we perceive time, and in what circumstances do we interact with time differently? What are the relatives? The constants?

These are all questions I’m not sure I’m fully capable of answering, perhaps for fear that my head might explode, but I would like to find a way of expressing how I’ve experienced a change in my concept of time during this past year in Morocco.

untitled (126 of 127)Punctuality, a cultural non-constant, can be viewed on two different scales–mono and polychronic. In a monochronic society, such as the U.S., time is rigid and task-oriented. You’re late if your not 5 minutes early. Having been socialized in this type of society, the adaptation process to Morocco’s polychronic concept of time took, well, time… Here, time is more flexible and agendas are far from strict.

The term “Inshallah,” which means God willing, is not just religious, it is also a deeply engrained  concept of cultural time. And to those of us raised in a monchronic community, even the very hint of being made to wait (or worse, being stood up) for a rendez-vous, cuts to the very core of our values and beliefs.

“See you tonight at that really important thing we have been planning.”


*GRIMACE* “No, but seriously. See you tonight?”

I’ve frequently begun to ask myself why such a beautiful phrase can render me so uncomfortable. Don’t I  constantly talk about living in the present moment and trusting in the infinite and great plan of the Universe…shouldn’t God’s willingness to let me partake in social gatherings make me feel elated and grateful? So yeah, I sure do feel like a big ol’ hypocrite when my muscles tense at the sound of a non-committal “Inshallah.” But then again, it’s my upbringing. I am a result of all my previous experiences and growing up in a place where time is directly related to money, and money directly related to happiness, has apparently been imprinted on my psyche more than I’m proud to admit.

The beauty of this cross-cultural experience for me, however, has been that whilst living here, I have  begun to loosen my suffocating concept of time. And I’ve come to realize that  I deeply admire  how much polychronic societies value interpersonal relationships. Because, what is time really worth if it isn’t passed with those whom we love? If everything is fleeting, then we must ask ourselves what we value most of all. To me, family and friends hold their weight in gold, and everything else is but a means to the end.

So, what time is it in paradise? You decide.

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