Feeling alone is a challenge for many people. We live in a society where connection can be summoned in an instant by the click of a button. The internet is fantastic and supports connectivity, but it is also a distraction. I am subject to the distraction, and the addiction, if you will, of the desire to connect. I have created a life for myself that requires me to be physically alone during most of my free time, but the facility in which I can access my network of friends and family, and yes, sometimes even complete strangers so that I don’t feel so alone, is astonishing.
This morning during my freetime I caught myself craving connection. I call it a craving because it was ravenous and imbalanced. My fingers were poised to text message someone, anyone–but when I drew a blank as to who to send a message to, I realized that I might be overindulging in connectivity for the sake of filling a void.
I’ve noticed that recently I have slowly tipped the scales to the side of social butterfly, which is both great and exhausting. It’s great because it means that I am meeting people and expanding my small Long Island network. I also feel like I am finding out about who I am as a person in relation to the people I surround myself with.
All of this is good, but sometimes being alone in order to reflect is what I really need. Sometimes I want to fall into my own void and see what I come out with–forget everyone else, who am I in relation to me?
Today, I was teetering on the edge of that void craving both human interaction and alone time. Oscillating between the two, I recognized that the pendulum had swung towards social, but that the physics of life was about to pull it back the other way.
Today, after my massage, I allowed the pendulum to swing in favor of alone time. Blissfully content to make a simple dinner, not even setting the table, because really, what’s the point of all the pomp and circumstance when you’re alone? I ate quickly, keen to enjoy the sea salt and caramel icecream I’d purchased for myself at the grocery store, and then I chose a movie–Frida–to watch before bed.
Today I am grateful for “Me Time.” It has been too long since I’ve consciously dedicated myself to the simple pleasure of my own company. I can be alone and I can be social. There is a time for it all, but finding a healthy balance is in my favor.